Birthday Cake and Irn Bru Soap ๐ŸŽ‚ ๐Ÿฐ

Hey my loves. I’m back from Vancouver and I’m struggling. Kinda. Sorta. Struggling in the sense that my dreams and ambitions are right in the forefront of my mind and it’s going to take awhile to fruition…and that’s totally ok but this gal is IMPATIENT! I’m missing my Reema like mad (thank goodness for FaceTime) and we’re kinda doing this dreaming thing together. We’ve got a 5 year plan, and we are going to make magic happen…just you watch ๐Ÿ˜

So after being ‘home’ in Scotland for 3 days, I got my butt in to gear, got ALL the ingredients together that I’ve had sitting around for ages, and I got making some soap.

The base contains Olive oil, palm oil (organic and certified sustainable thank you very much) coconut oil, castor oil and hazelnut oil. Gorgeously rich and it produces a beautiful lather. And it smells the exact same as my Birthday Cake Candle that you can order here!

These will be available to pre order here and I’ll send them out in a month. I know, I know….but these are artisan soaps, they contain lye, and for the saponification to happen and to get rid of the lye, it needs to cure for a month. But the wait will be worth it. These soaps will be available in ALL my candle ‘flavours’ as well, and I’ll be selling them individually, with a hand knitted facecloth, and also as part of a gift set which will also be available for pre order. You know….for Christmas and all ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

I’m also making some very unique candles for The Depressed Cake Shop and I’ll have them for sale in September. I’m providing miniature scented candles to McGreevey Cakes for her Cakeheads masquerade ball in October as well so things are all go here! Not to mention wedding fairs and macarons…(I’ll keep you posted, subscribe so you don’t miss out!) All in all, things are looking up. I feel my soul has been evolving pretty rapidly these last few weeks as well and I’m finally getting rid of my too nice attitude, not letting people treat me like a stepping stone or a convenience and that in itself is letting me get on with my purpose and passion in life. I was put here for a damn good reason. And I may not realise what that reason is just yet, but I’m putting it all to the universe and trusting that everything is here to help me…

Side note:

So, unbeknownst to me…my Birthday Cake fragrance oil contains vanillin, which makes sense considering it’s got a lovely sweet smell to it….but it didn’t state that on the bottle!!! Which meant I did NOT add a vanillin stabiliser…which in turn meant that there was a lye chemical reaction which has now discoloured the soap. And that’s fine too…as it still kept it’s beautiful scent…it’s just looking a little more over baked than I’d have liked. Ah well, live and learn I guess? ๐Ÿ˜

Friendships through depression,

Lately I’ve realised just exactly why depression is such a taboo subject. When you wear your heart on your sleeve, people actually don’t want to hear about it. As much as they say they do…I’m really not sure how much of that is true. Maybe it’s because they don’t know what to say or do. Maybe they think we’re being too dramatic. But the feeling of despair that runs so deep, FEELS ridiculously dramatic. People get angry, because we have our children to think about so how dare we have suicidal thoughts…but sometimes even that doesn’t feel like it’s enough. That out babies would be truly better off without such a sad mom. I wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING with anxiety. A feeling that my whole world is crashing down around me…and I feel like throwing up, then I feel like closing my eyes again and just sleeping forever. And every morning I find the strength to take on the day. Most times this feeling dissipates within a couple of hours. Sometimes within minutes. Sometimes, on the bad days, the feeling lasts ALL day. Those are the days that nothing gets done. That I only leave the house when I absolutely have to. I do the absolute minimum to just survive. And lately I have been a bit more quiet than usual. Because keeping quiet and putting on a smile and a brave face, means everyone just gets on with it and isn’t worrying about me. Sometimes ‘I’m fine’ is easier. I prefer it that way. Some days…all it takes is my best friend. My rock. My first friend in Canada. Reema is my other half. She’s a sister, a confidante, and she knows every cringeworthy, embarrassing, and soulful secret about me. This woman knows my deepest, darkest secrets that I’ve never told ANYONE! And I’m pretty sure the only way you would ever find she’d talk is to threaten and torture her. And even then I think you’d struggle. She’s loyal like that.

(Reems 3rd from the left and me at the end circa 2001) ?! That date on the photo is very wrong!

Reema came into my life, or rather I was thrown into hers in February of 1994. I was just 9 years old and very new to Richmond (a suburb of Vancouver). I started at Westwind Elementary in Grade 3 in Mrs Lum’s class. Reema hated my big writing, and the fact that I used funny words like ‘rubber’ instead of ‘eraser’. I’m not sure how we found ourselves in each others pocket’s but we did and very soon after that we were inseparable.

We spent all of our time together, and what’s more we were complete opposites. Reema loved her rap music, I was a pop/country girl. While she tried getting me to listen to Tupac, I was trying to get her to appreciate Celine Dione….and I actually succeeded! ย ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿป She LOVED shopping and would drag me to the mall, I HATED it (especially after she’d buy something and return it the next day…something I’ve learned she STILL does!) Reema loved going out and clubbing. I’d rather stay in with a good book. But we enjoyed each others company and we laughed together. A LOT! Reema is pretty much the only person that could get me to pee myself from laughing too much….and I’ve discovered just in her last visit here that she’s still got that skill. I find myself bursting out laughing when I’m by myself when I see a meme that reminds me of her or if I have random memory that includes her.

I’m writing this while totally jet lagged. I’ve been up for over an hour, I’ve tried meditating because my heart is breaking today. I tend to write more when I’m feeling really low, but sometimes it’s because I’m so excited. Today unfortunately is not one of those days. Today my anxiety is through the roof. I can feel a ball of fire in the pit of my belly, and it starts to rise up to my chest and then to my oesophagus, where I actually wonder if this is perhaps what a dragon might feel like to breathe fire. Except for a dragon it’s normal….but then again. Anxiety is somewhat normal for me too. Although breathing fire would make for so much more fun ๐Ÿ˜(I’m thinking S’mores! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿป) Today I know where my anxiety stems from. That helps. It helps because I can come to terms with it better, I can confront the person or scenario head on. And to be honest, I don’t do confrontation. I’d rather another person see me as weak and stupid and a fool than bring them down too. Despite my depression, I still have so much love in this heart of mine. Sometimes I wish I could harden it. So I don’t feel so deeply. It’s just one of my many flaws. Which I don’t apologise for anymore. This is me.

I’m actually in Vancouver now. I’m staying with my best friend. And to be honest, I’m so grateful for that. Because this anxiety could’ve turned ugly if it weren’t for her.

Lately, when I’ve been feeling so desolate and alone, and the depression hits a real low. I go to Reems. Because in a matter of 5 minutes she reminds me exactly why I’m here. She has me laughing through the tears and doubt, and just like that, I’m fixed….until the next time. I know she doesn’t understand where I’m coming from completely. I get it. I never understood depression until I got a taste of it myself. And I can NEVER judge anyone again. I always used to assume that people who took their own lives were cowards or selfish. I couldn’t have been more wrong, because now that I’ve experienced the pain that comes with it first hand, you’d do anything to make it go away. You’d do anything to save hurting anyone. The drugs work for some time. They numb you to the point that you don’t feel anything. And sometimes not feeling is much worse than feeling too much. So to anyone suffering with depression, I want you to know that you’re not broken. You will find your place, eventually. No one will ever FULLY understand what you’re going through. Unless they’ve been through it themselves. And even then…everyone’s journey is so very unique.

Most days I find myself diving head first in to my work. Creating gives me a sense of purpose. I get excited and I look forward to the future. Most days I feel optimistic. Insanely optimistic. I’ve got a beautiful life. A husband that (even though we’re going through a very ‘rough’ patch in our marriage…it’s never been a question about not having enough love) is a constant support, two beautiful children, a roof over our heads, and food in our bellies. And every morning when I wake up feeling lost. I remind myself of all the wonderful things in my life, and how grateful I am for everything. How LUCKY I am. So

I’m here. I want to listen, and I want to help. And to my Reems. Thank you for bringing that sunshine in to my life. When it all get so tough, I know I can count on you when it feels like everyone else has given up on me. (I know they haven’t….it just feels that way). I love you so much. I’m so glad we found our way back in to each others lives!

On a side note guys! My candles have been doing so well! I have them for sale at Eye Candy in Thurso, and on my online shop. At the end of the month I will take 10% of the sales and donate it to Mind.co.uk to help others going through depression. Please keep a lookout for my gift baskets that I will be selling. Each basket will include a Large scented Cupcake Candle, a small Scented Cupcake Candle, a mini wax melt burner, and a pack of wax melts all displayed in a lovely wooden box. These will be shipped ANYWHERE in the UK…and for the right price…anywhere in the world ๐Ÿ˜‰ Keep an eye out and subscribe to my blog!

Thanks my loves. I know this article was a bit heavy. But unfortunately things aren’t always Cupcakes and sprinkles (no pun intended) ๐Ÿ˜ฃ but I’m working on it! EVERYDAY!

Dreamcatchers and Unicorn Candles

Boho Chic Dreamcatcher

Since I’ve been on my spiritual awakening I’ve become aware again of all the things that I’d forgotten in my teenage years. My love and fascination of the spiritual world. Angels, spirit guides, crystal healing, synchronicities, and just all things that are in accordance with mysticism, nature, and pure love.

I’ve been collecting crystals, and using them to heal the darkest parts of my soul, to bring me in to pure light and true self love. This journey as you’ve heard me tell you already has been so difficult as I’ve had to strip away everything I’ve ever believed about myself and the world and slowly, painstakingly, put myself back together piece by piece. By listening to my soul, my identity is slowly showing itself day by day. And the dreams I’ve been having have been so incredibly vivid and really telling me so much about my life path. I don’t often have bad dreams. Thankfully. Most are just incredibly insightful. So I’ve hung my dream catchers above my bed to be sure to enhance my dreams even more!

As far as we know the dream catcher was first made by the Ojibwa Chippewa Native American tribe and were created to keep bad dreams at bay. The good dreams go through the centre of the web, whereas the bad dreams are caught within the weaves of the web. I wanted to incorporate my crystals into the design too as certain crystals aid with sleep and can help insomnia sufferers. As much as I love the traditional look of dream catchers, I wanted to add my own personal flair to them. My designs are whimsical, boho chic and just straight up gorgeous….I think you’ll agree! The tulle, and flowers add a touch of femininity too. And because I’m a crazy animal lover, all my dream catchers are vegan friendly, and the feathers are sourced from birds that have molted naturally. My mom is even collecting the feathers from her gorgeous little lovebird Apple. She’s yellow and orange and is constantly preening. My mom doesn’t have the heart to bin them, so she’s just been setting them all aside. I’ll be making one for her using Apple’s feathers.

Boho Chic Dreamcatcher

The dream catchers are 6 inches in diameter and can be custom made in any colours.ย  I’ll be adding some cream and neutral colours with groatie buckies too! They start from ยฃ36 and you can order your very own here! Also on the agenda this week has been my latest candle fragrance. Bubblegum!! The decorative lid is made to look like the very trendy unicorn cake, and I’m in love!! These are available here as well as at my stall at the Thurso Midsummer Madness from June 22nd-24th! I’ll be selling my cupcakes and other sweet treats there too!

Bubblegum Unicorn Candle

Next up!! Crystal healing candles ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’• ๐Ÿ”ฎ Sending light and love,

C x

Dreams, Ambitions, Kickstarter and Privacy Laws

Sprinkle Rack and Jars Cupcake Candles

Hey my loves, if you’ve been following my cakes page you’ll know that the past month has been a pretty trying one for me. There have been big changes in my life, but I won’t bore you with the details…you’re welcome to read all about it here though.ย  The changes have been transformative and very positive (although they didn’t feel that way at the time). My soul feels lighter, I’m smiling for no reason, singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around my house like a fool. I’m happy….happy within myself, and so excited. Excited for my future. Excited for what life has in store for me next . And although from time to time, when the dark clouds of doubt start to set in. I stop, take a step back and remind myself that by following my heart is a strength in itself. I had the courage to listen to what my soul needed. I refuse to live a ‘comfortable’ life purely for the sake of human comfort. I’m going to take the necessary risks to achieve my dreams, and I’m going to do it with love in my heart. No regrets either. I have faith. I know that only love is real, and I know that none of us get out of here alive…so I’m going for it….

And because I’m just so excited and super passionate about my new range of 100% Soy Wax Vegan Candles, I’ve started a kickstarter campaign where you can pledge your support here and be rewarded with some amazing products at a great price!! It’s a win win!! So what are you waiting for?! You only have 26 days left to pledge and if I get backed, I will work my utmost hardest to have them ready for you before the September delivery date and I’ll be able to fulfil my goal of having my product seen at Cake International ๐Ÿ’• (Oh and please keep scolling for all the boring yet important privacy laws)

CupcakeCandlesDonutEatBakery

I’m sure you guys have been inundated with emails regarding GDPR or General Data Protection Regulation, I sure have, so if you feel so inclined you can read up about the privacy laws and this page here.

It basically says that I won’t be abusing your trust and sharing any of your info where it shouldn’t be shared, and y’all I’m all about making sure that you’re not being spammed to death. So I promise, I will keep everyhthing under wraps, and you’ll be glad to know that I can be so technologically inept at times, that I wouldn’t even know the first thing about selling off your info even if I tried…so there’s that ๐Ÿ˜‰ Annnd I hope you don’t..but you can unsubscribe to my mailing list at ANY time…just shoot me off an email and I’ll make that happen x

Cupcake Candles?! Yep, I got ’em!

Pink Lemonade Cupcake Candle

I’ve been working my butt off recently. Sourcing supplies, making moulds, casting resin, creating labels, getting insurance…the list goes on. Because I got a bee in my bonnet, and when I get a bee in my bonnet…there’s no stopping me. Yeah I’ll procrastinate, I’m very good at that, but this idea was far too good not to get started on ASAP! And then my mind goes to overload and I think of ALLL the exciting ‘flavours’ I can add. So I have to calm myself down and start small right? Because if I don’t control myself…the idea controls me and I get NOTHING done. So I choose two fragrances to start with.ย  I order my labels, I cast my resin, and a candle is born. Y’all I’m just so excited about this, because one, it’s freaking beautiful, and two, I’ve neverย  seen anything quite like it. My gorgeous, exciting, one of aย  kind…..100% Soy Wax Hand Poured Cupcake Inspired Candles!!! I realise how much I’m tooting my own horn here…but I’m EXCITED!! (It’s not that obvious is it ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

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Donut Eat the Soap!!!!

Donut Soap Vanilla and Strawberry

We’re already in February of 2018 and although I was more than ready for it….2017 was kinda like my baby. I grew so much and had so many amazing moments and experiences…that I almost felt like by going in to 2018, I would lose all that. And I got scared, and sad. And then realised that 2018 would have so many more beautiful things for me to look forward to. And that I’m allowed to hold on to 2017, and cherish every beautiful transformation that I went through. And yes I’m trying to type through the tears right now, but I am so excited for what this year has to bring as well.

I’m typing this from my husband’s Granny’s spare room. It’s 1950’s vintage, with pale purple wallpaper, amethyst carpets, dark mahogany vanity table, and the frilliest lamp shade I’ve ever seen…..

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Twin Flames, Soul Mates, Relationships and Sprinkle Racks

Sprinkle Rack

Hey guys, long time no speak…I’ve been really thinking long and hard on whether or not I wanted to continue writing on this blog. Mostly because I was getting a lot of negative feedback in that I was writing maybe a little too truthfully…but to be honest,ย  if I can’t be honest with myself (and to whoever’s reading this),ย  Then what’s the point? I write this blog because I know I can’t be the only ‘crazy’ one. The only reason I thought I was actually going insane was because no one EVER comes clean about the thoughts and feelings they have, so the ‘real’ people feel isolated, insane and really quite helpless. I truly believe that we are souls having a human experience…and all the ‘small stuff’ that we think is so important, really is just small stuff.ย  I believe that all our thoughts and feelings should never EVER be judged. That we have these thoughts and feelings for a reason. Today I want to put my thoughts about relationships out there. They’ve been weighing on my mind a lot lately.

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You’re Not Pretty Enough, You’re not Smart enough and You’ve a Huge Bum!

I’ve been told this a few too many times in my life over the years. ‘You’re smart, but not smart enough to do this’, ‘Oh my gosh!! Carrie, your bum is huge!!’ ‘Whoa, I wasn’t expecting your thighs to be so big because your waist is so tiny!’ ‘You’re cute, I wouldn’t say sexy, but definitely cute’ ‘You should definitely get braces’, ‘hmm, you should consider rollerblading to tone those thighs’ are just a few of the things I’ve heard over the years (who the heck was I associating with?!) but I’ll come back to this..

I haven’t written on this blog for awhile. I’ve been going through some heavy stuff. I don’t want to say that it’s coming to a close….because I have a feeling this journey will be a long one. But it’s becoming a little bit less overwhelming. I feel like the depressive side of my life is coming to a (very slow) end and now it’s more frequently a sense of calm, a sense of purpose and a sense of love. I’ve been awakened. And once you’ve been awakened….you can’t go back to sleep, because now ‘I know!’

Continue reading “You’re Not Pretty Enough, You’re not Smart enough and You’ve a Huge Bum!”