I’m laying here in pain, on my couch and my mind is in overdrive. It’s maybe one of my biggest flaws. Or at least a flaw of mine that I despise. The most.
I’m in pain because I’m constantly on the go. When I’m not ‘busy’ I feel like I need to be. And I don’t take the time out to properly relax. And when I do relax, the guilt takes over. Like I should be doing something more. It drives me crazy. So I had a crazy busy week working Starbucks, working on my cakes, preparing for a Christmas craft fair, and making candles etc. And my sciatica started playing up. I had my little boy standing on my back and dancing just to ease the pain a little bit. And then my guys, I shivered…yes SHIVERED too hard while selling my cakes at the fair…and I trapped a nerve in my shoulder 🙄
So I’ve taken a couple days off to just properly sit back and try my hardest to just be in the moment.
Tonight though my mind is going back and forth between what I really really want in my life, professionally, personally, mentally, and emotionally.
My husband and I have been closer than ever, and I love that. My kids are growing up so fast and I’m realising that I’m going to miss this stage if I look too hard at my business endeavours. So much of me wants a successful business of my own (which in fairness is pretty successful) but that doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be brick and mortar….just yet. I feel right now that I don’t want to work as hard as I have been for the past 20 years of my life.
I want to be able to say no to that extra shift. I don’t call in sick to work. EVER. So calling in these last couple of days was crazy hard for me. I felt like I was really letting folk down. I feel like I’m not ALLOWED to be ill. Even in the darkest depths of depression I showed up. Because I was always more concerned about someone else’s feelings. And no that’s not a bad thing, but I was forgetting to account for my own feelings, both mentally and physically. And it was the hardest thing to do, but I went home, and I made myself a cup of tea, although in agony, and I rested. And it put so much in to perspective for me.
And I’m such a firm believer in things happening for a reason. And EVERYTHING that I’ve gone through, every little thing, I know happens because it HAS to. Whether I like it or not. So now I’m learning to roll with the punches. To take everything in with grace and love, and understanding. And then watch it all as it develops. Sometimes I enjoy looking over at all the things I’ve done over the years and wonder how much just one tiny action changed my life, or someone’s else’s life, even in just the most minute way. It’s just kinda cool.
But for 2020, I’m definitely going to take more time to read, to meditate, to live in the moment, and to stop working so damn hard all the time. Because where does it actually get us?!
I’m going to take long breaks from social media, and I’m going to re invent myself everyday. And I’m going to keep creating. Because it’s when I’m creating that I’m at my happiest, and most content.
I have a whole new range of candles that I’m developing and I’m really taking my time on these ones. Once they’ve all come to fruition y’all will be the first to know. I’m thinking sometime in the new year. In the meantime, if you’re still looking for Christmas presents, I have lots of fragrances to choose from, and there’s still time, so get to it!!
Below is the link to all my cupcake candles. My personal favourites are Lemon Meringue, Pink Lemonade, and Blueberry Cheesecake…but my list goes on 🙈
Order ALLLL the fragrances HERE!!
Sending you so so much love and light. And don’t work too hard!!! It’s totally under rated 🤷🏻♀️💕🔥