I haven’t written a heart felt blog in a while. Mostly because sometimes I feel like if I don’t talk about how I’m feeling, then it doesn’t matter. And it’s not important. And that if I ignore my emotions, it will all go away. And I know how naive that way of thinking is too. But I also know that’s sometimes it’s all I can do.
I’m in my bed already. Because today I’m physically and mentally exhausted. When you’re around negative energy and negative personalities, it just gets way too much. I’m so so tired of letting people/events get to me. I’m tired of people trying to tell me who I am, trying to figure out if I’ve hurt someone because God forbid they actually communicate with me and let me know where I fucked up. I’m tired of people getting angry at me for FEELING. I’m ALLOWED to feel the way I feel. I’m especially tired of caring too much. Of the guilt I feel over every decision, every action, every word. And there’s no ONE to blame but myself. Are you exhausted reading this?! I literally have headaches everyday but these are the things that go around in my head 24/7. I CANNOT stop any of it. I try. I do. I try to read, I try to meditate. Sometimes I play games on my phone just to numb my mind a bit.
Yesterday I lit a candle and lay down and let my mind calm itself, and in those moments, I’m truly at peace. I relax, and I breathe. And I let all the senseless worrying go. It’s in those moments that I can really understand what’s important in life. Sometimes I have to read back on my blogs and realise how far I’ve come. And then I also realise that I’m still at a standstill in so many aspects of my life. Where I realise I very much still live my life for other people. Because I would rather harbour the hurt, then put it all on them. But that doesn’t seem right either. I think this is sometimes just the curse of the empath. And that’s all up to me to change that. I’m just not sure where to get that sort of strength from. Because allowing myself to be do things for me…comes with a level of guilt that kills me. But I’m working on it. Everyday. Every. Single. Day. One day, perhaps I’ll get there. I’ve also been reading a lot of spiritual books, and some really fun ones about making sure we aren’t missing the signs that our spirit guides are constantly sending us. Signs to let us know that the universe ALWAYS wants what’s best for us. If we ask for them, we will get them, and also when we need anything, the universe will always provide, so long as we have faith. So I’m working every day at putting that positive energy out there. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to have my bad days. And just because I’m spiritual, it’s doesn’t mean that I have to take anyone’s shit. People will always be dicks, that’s just a universal truth. But I’m going to make sure I don’t stoop to their level (I’ll try very hard at least) 😜
My favourite candle to use in my meditations is my rose quartz 11:11 candle. I use it because rose quartz is all about the love. And I’m needing a lot of self love in my life right now. And it also smells heavenly. I use essential oils of rose musk, geranium, and Ylang Ylang to fragrance it and dried rose petals on top. You can get your own here! I’m still having a Buy One get One Free offer on my cupcake candles, so be sure to have a look here so you don’t miss out 🥰
(I’m feeling so much more positive after this blog already!! See?! sometimes we just need to write it all down to understand where our triggers are!)
Sending you all so much love and light 💕