I am really enjoying the longer days lately. I’ve been going to bed early and getting up early, because I find I’m my most productive then. I get my cakes baked, house tidied, and other chores done before the kids are even up for the day. And I get to enjoy a hot cup of coffee in peace. That means at 9pm I’m showered, teeth brushed, tucked up in my bed meditating, and actually relaxing. I’m trying to find the best cognitive therapies that I can (Because I don’t want to be on anti depressants forever) Mostly that involves asking myself why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. And then really understanding how and if it’s even important and helpful at the present time. I like to ask myself ‘Will this matter in 5 minutes…will this matter in 5 weeks, 5 months….and 5 years. Most of the time. It won’t. And my brain can understand that. So it’s easier to let go. A few nights ago though, my thoughts got the best of me. And Kyle came upstairs to an absolute mess. And he was so concerned, and I felt bad because I couldn’t in that state, make it known that I just needed a good cry. There wasn’t anything wrong per se. It was just an accumulation of trying to keep it all together most of the time. And I’m accepting that that’s ok. Sometimes I still get totally hung up with how I’m perceived by the outside world and even people who ironically don’t want to be in my life anymore. But more often than not, I don’t ACTUALLY care. Because I know who I am. And that’s all that really matters. And all that really SHOULD matter. I’m self aware. I know my flaws and I am trying to change the ones that I feel I have control over. I’m learning to really love me, and I think I’m pretty fun. Sometimes suuuuper annoying, but again. I have to embrace it 😂 I have a beautiful family at home and at work who I really can be myself around and I really am just trying to be the best human being I can be. Sometimes I fail miserably. Sometimes people don’t understand, or they think I have an agenda. And I kinda do. My agenda is to love EVERYONE and to not pass judgment. And to go outside of social norms and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But I’m also not going to let people treat me badly either. If you want a place in my life, I’m here. Always. But to protect my mental health and my own heart, if you don’t want to make an effort for me or with me. That’s ok too. That’s your prerogative, that’s your journey. I’m also doing everything I can to right my wrongs. For too long I’ve felt the need to fix everyone. But that’s not my job. My job is to ‘fix’ me. I’m not ‘broken’. I know this now. I just need to tend to THIS soul. How can I save another person from drowning if I can’t even keep myself afloat? I know who I don’t want to be…so that helps me become the best version of me I can. So to anyone and everyone on a similar journey….it’s so so important to be self aware but to also remember that you’re going to mess up. Because how else can you grow? So don’t beat yourself up. Just lift yourself up, surround yourself with positivity. Turn off the news. Turn on the salt lamps, light the candles and just BE. Trust me. It does wonders for the soul and you really just live in the NOW. Where NOTHING matters.
So I’m doing that. I’m letting people go, I’m focusing on the tasks at hand. And I’m certainly not begging to be in anyone’s life anymore. It’s exhausting, hurtful, and pointless in so many aspects. If it’s not going to help you grow…you have to let it go.
I’ve also created this range of candles to soothe my soul. So If you’d like some all natural essential oil soy wax candles that have a charged crystal embedded in each one…order yours below!
I have 2 fragrances available and a 3rd on the way!
They’re so so beautiful and I think because I’ve made them specially for my own therapy, I’m even more excited about them ☺️ They truly are so therapeutic and the wood-wick just gives me all the feels 😍
Sending so much love and light and just good vibes 🥰💗