I’ve been told this a few too many times in my life over the years. ‘You’re smart, but not smart enough to do this’, ‘Oh my gosh!! Carrie, your bum is huge!!’ ‘Whoa, I wasn’t expecting your thighs to be so big because your waist is so tiny!’ ‘You’re cute, I wouldn’t say sexy, but definitely cute’ ‘You should definitely get braces’, ‘hmm, you should consider rollerblading to tone those thighs’ are just a few of the things I’ve heard over the years (who the heck was I associating with?!) but I’ll come back to this..
I haven’t written on this blog for awhile. I’ve been going through some heavy stuff. I don’t want to say that it’s coming to a close….because I have a feeling this journey will be a long one. But it’s becoming a little bit less overwhelming. I feel like the depressive side of my life is coming to a (very slow) end and now it’s more frequently a sense of calm, a sense of purpose and a sense of love. I’ve been awakened. And once you’ve been awakened….you can’t go back to sleep, because now ‘I know!’
I know that everything I’ve been taught to believe via social media, tv, society is wrong. I know that my purpose in life is not to procreate and ‘stand by my man’ while he lives his life until our kids are grown (my husband totally agrees). That the bigger my house, the type of car I drive and the brand of clothing I wear does not define me, or make my life any worthier than the next person. I know now that the more money I have does not determine my success as a human being or even as a business woman. How many followers I have on Facebook and Instagram and the ‘likes’ I get does not determine my worth or my talents. Possessions are just that. They’re just things that we think we need to make us happy. As I write this I’m looking around my house and realising that none of it matters! None of it! We live in a materialistic world of wants and ‘needs’. I used to believe that all we needed was love and a little bit of money. But even then I was looking at in in a skewed sense. I was seeing it like I needed the love and acceptance of my family, partners and friends to validate my life. ‘All we need is love’ really means that all of us needs to be loved and love others unconditionally. We all have flaws, but by accepting our own flaws, we can accept the flaws of those around us more easily, and still love them! I know my husband is struggling with this new me. I understand why. And I wish I could could truly let him feel what I’m going through. Because then he’d truly understand that my love is unconditional. That regardless of what happens between us, it is never because he wasn’t enough. It was never because I wasn’t enough. We are all of us incredible, beautiful human beings. We all have to live our truths or we’ll drown, we’ll suffocate, we’ll be buried.
I know that by sending out positive evergy to the universe, positivity is what I attract into my life. I am trying every day to listen and live by my spirit, my true self instead of my ego, my false self. When I get offended by someone’s actions, I know that it’s my ego. I know that what that person is saying isn’t a reflection on me. I’ve never liked conflict but I’m not gonna lie, I used to enjoy being right. Now, and its not easy, I try to walk away from anything that causes turmoil in my heart. Including silly little fights. Because that’s all they are, silly. They won’t matter in a week, hell, it probably won’t even matter in a day. So now if I have the choice to be right, or the choice to love, I choose love. I wholeheartedly and unconditionally choose love. Does this mean people’s words will never hurt me? Maybe…..someday. But I’m thinking my ego still has a LONG way to go. It means I have to really think about what I say too so I don’t inadvertently hurt someone else with my words (I can have a sharp tongue and I know I have a short temper…and the sarcasm 🙈😏😅) I have so much healing and soul work that needs to be done. But in the meantime I’m going to remember that our souls are divine, they’re perfect and I truly believe that we are all here on this earth from the same energies to teach each other lessons. That EVERY struggle we go through has a silver lining. That why when things don’t turn out how we want them to, it’s because the universe ALWAYS has bigger and better plans for us. Even though it really doesn’t feel like it at the time….there goes that ego thing again 🙄😅
Just try it. When you give yourself to another and treat everyone with respect and love and kindness, whether you think they deserve it or not, just watch. The universe will respond in the same way. It’s certainly been working for me. And it’s inspired me more and more every day to reach for what I want from life, in my relationships, in my business. There’s really nothing to lose. At the end of the day, all that really matters is love. And only love is real ❤️
I now embrace my figure. I’ve always had small breasts, a little waist and a big ol butt. I HATED my body, I’d wear long tops to hide it, I despised wearing swimming costumes. Now? This is the body that was chosen for me. And pointing out the ‘flaws’ that we see in another persons appearance only causes turmoil in those still too influenced by the world around us to know how much more valuable they are than just a pretty face. I have stretch marks (babies) , a wobbly tummy (babies….and wine…and food. I LOVE food), one breast that is larger than the other (genetics, or babies that favoured one breast 🤔). I’m beautiful, and I’m sexy for no other reason than because I say so. Because beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And the way I look has NOTHING to do with my soul… Or anyone else for that matter. What’s even more ironic is that the fact that I could care less what people think about me, I think I’m more beautiful than I’ve ever been. Maybe it’s because I’m older (33 next week!) and a little bit wiser, or maybe it’s because I truly realise and believe that having a beautiful heart (or trying to at least) is always sexier and FAR more important than having a pretty face. No this doesn’t mean I stop going to the gym, because I love the way I FEEL after a good workout. It just means I’m not going berate myself for eating that cupcake, or having that extra glass of wine. Because living is all in those finer details. So find your passion, make a plan and go for it. Don’t hold back. And certainly don’t listen to the negativity. Take pity on those that can’t see your light. These are the souls that are afraid, so they hold back, and try to hold you back too. Just love them and move on.