Woooooosh! That’s literally what I feel like my whole body and soul is saying. I’ve figured it out. After 32 years, I’ve finally put my finger on it. I’m an Empath…which I’ve known for awhile BUT. Ok before I get ahead of myself let me clarify. I’ve kinda sorta always known I’ve been extremely sensitive…(That totally just autocorrected to sensible….umm not so much!) and it was my step mom who always told me that I feel the way I do because I’m an empath, and although I knew what an empath was…I didn’t actually KNOW what it it meant, until now that is.
I’m an extreme empath. An empath that doesn’t have it all figured our just yet…and it’s AWFUL. It’s definitely more of a curse than a gift. It’s the reason that when my children get sick I take on their symptoms even though I’m perfectly healthy. It’s the reason that when my husband is hurting or angry, I can FEEL his emotions and I take them on. It’s the reason that when people close to me give up on their dreams or are in a rut, I feel their anguish, the physical aspects too like the stomach aches and the pit of dread in their bellies. It’s the reason I’m going through this depression. It’s the reason I can’t walk through a crowded place without taking on everyone’s emotions around me. It makes sense now why I’ve always HATED shopping centres…and nightclubs. It makes sense now that EVERY time I took the bus, someone with a heavy burden would sit down next to me and tell me all about it. Apparently we give off those ‘cry on my shoulder’ vibes. Which is fantastic that people feel like they can open up to me and I can help them! Until you can’t cope anymore. Until everyone’s problems take on a life of their own inside me…and I get overwhelmed. I had this experience recently when I was in Vancouver. I was on the bus with my kids and we were chatting away and all of a sudden I got this overwhelming sense of foreboding. I started to hyperventilate and just couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t until I looked up and realised we were passing the old Riverview Mental Asylum that I realised why I felt the way I did. It happened again a few days later when my mom was driving. I suddenly told her I didn’t feel very good and I was having trouble breathing…lo and behold she’d driven through the estate on the way home. That place has some really bad Ju Ju!
I still can’t watch the news, it feels like a punch in the gut every time I hear people being cruel to one another. I watch movies made for Tweens because they’re always so innocent and they make my heart happy. I cry in EVERY film, regardless of if it’s a drama or comedy.
I can ALWAYS tell when someone is lying to me, although most times I never let on that I know. I can feel the emotions of those closest to me even if they are 3000 miles away. I just take it all in. I know who I can trust and sometimes I go against my better judgement because there’s this Empathic response of wanting to please everyone too. Especially those who love you. Many of us have empathy, we can put ourselves in other people’s shoes. But being an Empath is just a bit more confusing. I’m now on a journey to deal with this ‘ability’. To learn how to block these negative emotions I’m feeling. To train myself so to speak and differentiate between my feelings and the feelings of those around me. Apparently when empaths don’t know how to protect themselves from all these emotions and energies coming at them from every which direction, eventually what happens is it becomes so completely overwhelming that we become depressed, neurotic, mentally unstable and suicidal. We have extreme highs and then very bad lows, and we act out. In ways that isn’t normal behaviour. Not unlike Bipolar disorder.
I know how weird and ‘woo woo’ this sounds. My husband thinks it’s hilarious and pokes fun although he’s got empathic tendencies as well…But I’ve always been a bit of a hippie, new ager type and extremely open minded so if it means meditating, cleansing and balancing chakras and reading tarot cards and aura’s bring it on! If it means bringing a bit of voodoo magic into my life I’m all about that too. I’m ready to embrace the good Ju Ju in whatever forms bring me peace and blocks out all the bad Ju Ju, (cause ‘ain’t nobody got time for that!) If it keeps me from jumping off the nearest cliff, I’m all for it. I’m going to use this empathic ‘ability’ the best way I know how. To help others…which leads me to this next subject…Soaps!! (And if any of my fellow empaths are about, please feel free to comment! It’s a very lonely place to be sometimes…)
So ya’ll may have heard about my soap making. I’m hooked! I’ve spent a small fortune on soap ingredients like cocoa butter, coconut oils, palm oils (responsibly sourced of course!!) coffee butter (AHHHHMAZING), Coffee beans, chamomile flowers, Shea butter etc. So the problem is this. I can’t actually sell these gorgeous soaps just yet because….soap laws 🙄 so instead, and because I LOVE making them, I’m just gonna give them away. Mostly to homeless shelters, women’s shelters, shelters for refugees so on and so forth. If you’d like some of my soaps for yourself, just give me a shout. Donations would be fabulous just to cover the cost of my ingredients, but any money left over will go to the shelters directly and those close to me that I know need a bit of financial help. I know it’s just soap, but everyone should have the right to feel luxurious and beautiful. Am I right? My latest batch is still curing and will be ready in another week or so, but please let me know if you’d like a bar or 2. It’s my Coconut and Olive Oil based soap scented with lemongrass and lavender. I have 8 bars available at the moment. Any donation no matter how big or small will be greatly appreciated. I’ve attached a link to my PayPal in order to make things a bit easier. Thanks!! X