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My Dirty Little Secret…

My laptop charger died on me a few days ago, and my phone is going haywire…and my beloved mixer died on me too…technologically it hasn’t been a good few days….emotionally it could’ve been better as well. Emotionally….I’ve taken a few steps backward. Guys, I’ve been off my antidepressants for 4 weeks! I weaned myself off them because I thought I could handle it…and I could, I was doing really well. I was laughing, I was enjoying my time alone and the time with my thoughts. I was singing! Singing on the top of my lungs, belting out the show tunes, dancing in my kitchen…And then….BAM! I took a turn. And I know what the trigger was, which actually makes it worse, because I thought I was past this.

But apparently….I have a hard time letting go. And I struggle when people tell me to just ‘let it go’. Honestly if it were that easy, would we even be having this conversation?! Unlikely! I wish I had that off switch, but there’s no changing my heart. I believe people can change, but this is a part of my core, the way I work, the way I was made. It’s not a learned behaviour, it the rawest part of me. And you know what. The people that don’t understand that part of me….they need to walk away. The people that I pour my heart out to, and then ignore me or disregard my feelings, I need to walk away. Because they really don’t deserve this part of me. But it’s hard! So hard! I retreat when my heart can’t bear the hurt. I remember when my first real boyfriend broke my heart. I didn’t come out of my room for weeks. My mom was crazy worried. I remember it well. Now 15 years later, when my heart hurts I retreat to my quiet room, or my cake room, I don’t go on Facebook I leave the ‘real world’ behind. Mind you it’s only days at a time, not weeks. I’ve grown πŸ™‚

So as per usual I’m going off on a tangent….my dirty secret, that’s what you all came here for am I right?! It’s craft stores guys. I’m obsessed! I CANNOT walk into a craft store and spend less than an hour in it. It’s IMPOSSIBLE. In Canada it’s Michaels, in America I go straight to JoAnn’s or HobbyLobby. In the UK it’s good ‘ol Hobby Craft. I get a crazy sense of calm when I walk into Hobby Craft. It’s my safe place, a place where my creativity shines through. It’s almost inexplicable, the feelings that I get. There’s calm, along with giddiness and then there’s the overwhelming factor of ‘What can I create now?!’ And even a sense of panic ‘when will I have time to create ALL THE THINGS!’ So last week when I told my husband that I was going to the craft store, he did that knowing sigh and said ‘so I’ll see you in a few hours then?’ I did the sarcastic chuckle and then I heard the most wonderful thing. My beautiful daughter asked if she could come with me to the craft store rather than go to the park with her dad and brother. I TOLD you this daughter of mine is my heart (read last blog). And while we were walking through the aisles and aisles of raw material my daughter is thinking out loud of all the things we could create!

Strawberry Scented Cupcake Soap Donut eat bakery

I eventually found what I was looking for….this day it was soap making materials. I’d googled everything I could about it, made sure I had all the materials I needed and then off we went….along with other crafting supplies as you do πŸ˜‰

The first question my husband asks is how much I’ve spent (thank goodness for separate accounts am I right?!!) He then does the annoying eye roll and we head off, because he knows I’m not going to reveal the cost and besides ‘we’ll never have to buy soap again!!’ And then the other eye roll and knowing smile to say ‘it’s just more mess and unfinished projects in the house!’ And unfortunately he’s sorta kinda right πŸ™ But not this time!! Because I’m hooked, and I created these adorable cupcake soaps that smell like strawberry cupcakes….with a cherry on the top πŸ˜‰ And they’re available to buy on my website. And trust me there will be more flavours to come! I’ll be starting a cold process soap which takes 4-6 weeks to cure and I’m so excited to bring you those. I think my first batch will be vanilla lattΓ©….because coffee.

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I’m big into hypothetical situations…and the only one that my husband will actually humour me with is the Zombie Apocolypse. Maybe because it seems like the more likely situation? He doesn’t think I’ll survive long in one anyway ….mainly because he says I love my home comforts too much…like the constant boiling of the kettle (yes I know Dad! You boil the water not the kettle πŸ™„), the copious cups of coffee, and the warmth. I NEED my heat. But I’m super resourceful, hence the craft shops and soap making…I find multiple uses for EVERYTHING, I’m thrifty like that, I get that from my dad although Kyle might survive the Zombies through physical strength and endurance, and because he can run like the wind….at least I’ll be clean…..which now that I think about it, the Zombies will smell me from a mile away….I think I better take up Strength Training 😏

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